Familiar

I don't know where to start, honestly. This feeling is so familiar, like I've been through this before...familiar, but not the same. I should be used to this by now, but why does it hurt so much? much more than the first times I've been through shit like this. Maybe it's because despite everything the first time, I gave everything that's left to this one. I'm tired. I'm so tired of feeling like this. I am so tired of constantly pushing myself to hold on because honestly, if anyone can really feel lost, I think I know how that feels by now. He doesn't understand. H's been ignoring me and it hurts and I'm close to begging but I'm just so tired